It all aches either way

It’s more convenient when I pretend that nothing bad has ever happened, that I’ve earned this wisdom in some clean, tidy way.

But if you look at me long enough the facade inevitably disintegrates and you’d see the wounds laid on me by life’s most painful lessons. 

It’s a glamor- but it’s not for me, I’m not actually hiding anything, just filtering through the pain so you might tolerate me. 

It all aches either way. 

Hope sits on one shoulder, she whispers- life is sweet and anything could happen. Look at this beautiful day, listen to these possibilities, feel this breeze and the sun on your skin. 

Fear sits on the other, she mumbles- life is unpredictable, full of pain and disappointment. Look at the state of this world and everything that it’s taken from you, listen to the echo of every broken half-hearted promise, feel the chill in the air and the cold embrace of these creeping shadows. 

I listen in earnest because they’re both right… they’re both right. 

It all aches either way 

Life has been cruel after having been so sweet, the dreams I’ve held so tenderly ripped from my palms, the consequences of other's lies and choices etched into the fabric of my life. 

Life has been cruel, but it’s also been so sweet and I see that my perspective makes that difference. 

I can carry my wounds like a grim souvenir -letting them bleed, fester, and weep or I can tend to them, covered and healing with patience and faith -an honest sort of acknowledgment. 

It all aches either way. 

I can embrace the warmth of the days that might lay ahead -trust in something new, trust in myself, grow in the direction of my hope, or I can contract around my fears, hiding in the familiarity of despair, heartache and betrayal. 

It all aches either way 

So I turn my face to the sun once more and embrace this fleeting encounter with form- with flesh & bone, I remember to remember it was all worth it.